Living Your Own Life

There are as many ways to live and grow as there are people. Our own ways are the only ways that should matter to us.

-Evelyn Mandel

 A big lesson for me recently has been that I can’t change the behaviors of others as much as I hope, wish, or try. The only person in this life that I can control is myself, and I need to focus on that. It’s disappointing to see people struggle with difficulties you once had – you can gently hold their hand, goad, and devolve into screaming at them – but there is nothing you can go.

A person will live in pain as long as they are able, and unlike that famous image of Christ, I cannot walk into Hell and save the souls condemned within. We create our own hells and difficulties in this life, we really do. I have enough of my hell to contend with at the moment, and have returned to focusing on what I can do for myself – my effort with a few others has been mostly wasted, and the frustration would kill me if I let myself dwell on it.

Instead of wallowing in this, I’ve got the housework done, and my schoolwork, and I’m even taking free courses on Buddhism. All this is a complete 180 degree turn from where I was a little under a week ago… I was in the thick of my own psychological Bardo, and ready to return to my old chaos.

W.T.F. was going on with me?

I’ve covered it in detail already – but the takeaway lesson here is that I’m extremely sensitive, especially to the negativity of others. I must do what I can to shield myself and grow.

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