Self-Will

How have I acted on self-will? What were my motives?

Inching away from the program after my leg broke, allowing and continuing contact with people from my past, relapsing. I give myself a pass for about a month, but after that I thought I could do it on my own and handle temptation.

I failed.

There goes my clean time.

How has acting on self-will affected my life?

It’s introduced more failure and setbacks then there needs to be.

How has my self-will affected others?

It’s hurt other people and driven people away.

Will pursuing my goals harm anyone? How?

No, pursuing sobriety and education will only help myself and others.

In the pursuit of what I want, is it likely that I will end up doing something that adversely affects myself or others? Explain.

No, because my goals are sobriety and education.

Will I have to compromise any of my principles to achieve this goal?

No.

Describe the times when my will hasn’t been enough.

Too many to describe. Staying away from my ex, staying away from drug use, self-control with a panoply of substances…anything involving the combination of self-control and dopamine generally doesn’t work out well for me.

What is the difference between my will and God’s Will?

God’s will goes beyond instant gratification, my tendency toward destruction, and my short sighted and inefficient ability to “help” others. By staying in my own lane and minding my own business, I am not contributing to the negative behavior of others or myself. I have this time to settle down and focus on repairing myself, so it’d be in my best interest to take it.

Have there been times in my recovery when I’ve found myself subtly taking back my will and my life? What alerted me? What have I done to recommit myself to the Third Step?

Yes, with my recent relapse and when my leg broke and my fall from the program started. A sudden move placed me away from my support network, and things started to fall apart.

I had subtle warning signs that I was relapsing on old behavior and old people, but I thought I was safe because of not being able to move and being physically separated.

I’ve reworked the first three steps and gotten close to people in the program and my sponsor. I work a daily program and stay vigilant.

 

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